


I Know That Life Is Crazy

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Coworkers AU, F/M, I mean, Office AU, What designates a slow burn, i guess it's slow?, its 10000 words so, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 04:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12124143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Jonah Heston begins a new job working sales at Gizmonic, only to find himself swept off his feet by the person he's sharing a cubicle with: Kinga Forrester.





	I Know That Life Is Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> I got really invested in this and I have no idea why because it started off as a dumb au and then next thing I know it's thousands of words long

Jonah anxiously tapped his binder as the office assistant lead him to his cubicle. It was his first day at a new sales job at the Gizmonic Tech Corporation, and he knew he had to make a good impression. 

“This is your cubicle.” The assistant said, motioning to the nearest one. “You'll be sharing it with Miss Forrester here. If you have any questions, I’m sure she’d be happy to answer them.”

Jonah nodded. “Thank you.” 

His officemate had kept her back turned throughout this entire thing. Once the assistant was gone, however, she spoke. 

“So you're the new guy, huh.”

“Yep.” Jonah began to boot up his computer. “I’m Jonah. Jonah Heston.” 

“Name’s Kinga Forrester. You haven't really had an office job before, have you?”

“Yeah, how'd you know?” 

“You still have that peppy attitude that new people have before they realize the monotony of the whole thing.”

Jonah turned to her and frowned. “It can't be that bad, can it?”

She then faced him, and for the first time, he saw her face. He had to keep his jaw from dropping. She was stunning. Her dark hair, pulled into a tight bun, framed her gorgeous features perfectly. But her expression was less than happy. 

“I've been here for years. It only gets worse.”

Jonah suddenly remembered how to speak. “Well, uh, why don't you just change careers?”

“Like it's that easy. I went to school for engineering and biochemistry, and where do I end up? Shoved into a cubicle, selling computers to people over the phone.” 

Damn. Engineering AND biochemistry? Jonah realized that she must be something of a genius. “Why’d you take the job in the first place, then?”

Kinga sighed. “I did it to pay my way through grad school. My dad paid when I was an undergrad, but after that I decided I would try to pay for it myself. A mistake, I see now. I tried applying for jobs in my field, but nothing happened, and eventually I just gave up.”

“That’s too bad. Why don't you try applying for some more now? Things might have changed.”

“It's not worth it. Besides, I've started building a retirement fund, and I've already almost paid off my loans. I'll just stay in this dead-end job until I can retire, buy a boat, and move to California, or Florida. Somewhere with a lot of beaches.”

Jonah was about to speak, but stopped. His computer was up and running, and he realized he was probably holding up Kinga from working. “Well, I’m sure things’ll change for you. In the meantime, I should probably get to work.”

“Good idea. So you can see just how boring it really is.”

Before Jonah picked up his headset, he paused, swallowing hard. “You wanna get a beer or something later? It’s my first day, and all. Might as well celebrate it, even if it is as bad as you say.”

Kinga thought about it for a moment. “I… I don't think so. Maybe some other time.”

He could tell she was coming up with an excuse, and felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Alright.”

He took a deep breath. It was fine. He had just met her, anyway. And she seemed like quite the unhappy person. Perhaps it was for the best that she didn't want to go out with him for a drink. Perhaps it would be for the best if he simply went back to his apartment, watched something on Netflix, and went to sleep. 

\------------

At the end of the week, Jonah found himself only slightly less happy than he had been upon entering the job. At this point he was just happy to have a job. Not many companies would hire someone with degrees in robotics and movie theory. But he noticed that Kinga retained her downtrodden demeanor. She was just plain grumpy all the time. He had never met someone who could be as grumpy as she could. 

He decided to make it his mission to change her demeanor. Maybe he couldn't change her thoughts on the job itself, but he would at least like to see her laugh once. 

As the clock struck five, Jonah began to pack his things into his bag. Kinga threw her headset down and laid back on her swivel chair, leaning over enough to be able to see him. 

“So, newbie, you finished your first week. Thoughts?”

“I didn't think it was that bad. Sure, when there wasn't any calls coming in, it could be boring, but I actually kind of liked it. It's interesting, working with the public like this.”

Kinga frowned. “You actually liked it? Wow, you must really be crazy.”

“Maybe I'm not crazy. Maybe you're the crazy one.”

She huffed. “Yeah, right. Talk to anyone who's been here three or more years. The job blows.”

“Maybe to you.” 

Kinga rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

Suddenly, someone else who worked in one of the other cubicles walked over. He was a short man, with grey hair and a face Jonah kind of wanted to squish. “You're the new guy, right?”

Jonah nodded. 

“Well, on Fridays, most of us like to get together at this pub down the street. Get some drinks, cool off after the work week. Wanna come?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m Jonah, by the way.” Jonah held out a hand. 

“Max.” He shook Jonah’s hand, before turning to Kinga. “I’d ask you, but-”

“No, I'll come.” Kinga said abruptly, cutting Max off. 

“Huh. You never come, because according to you, it's ‘pointless fraternization with people I don't care about.’”

“I just need some alcohol. Don't question me.”

“Sheesh, you must've really had a bad week.” 

“Don't get me started. I had someone call from prison.” 

Jonah frowned. “Yikes. That really happens?”

Kinga looked at him with the eyes of someone who had seen too many things. “You wouldn't believe the things you'll hear. Brace yourself.”

Max sighed. “Kinga likes to exaggerate. Most customers are pretty much how you'd expect. Sure, there's the weirdos, but really, there's weirdos in any job.” He checked his watch. “Well, I’m off to the bar. Catch you there.”

He left, and Jonah turned to Kinga. “How do you two know each other?”

“We grew up together. Our fathers were friends, so we got to hang out a lot. As it turns out now, they were more than friends. So technically, Max is my stepbrother.”

“Huh.” 

“What's it to you?”

Jonah held his hands up. “Hey, I just wanted to know. Sorry if I crossed a line.” 

She sighed. “It's fine. You're new, so you get a pass. I’m just not used to people trying to learn about me. Or talk to me. I tend to turn them away by my negativity.”

“Well, you seem nice enough to me.”

Kinga looked momentarily surprised, but quickly regained her grumpy appearance. “Thanks, I guess. Now, are we leaving or what?”

Together, they walked to the pub down the street. They were mostly silent, with Jonah attempting to make some small talk and failing miserably. They were greeted at the bar by various other Gizmonic employees, who Jonah found himself not remembering the names of. Within a few minutes, he found himself shoved off to the side of the party, with only a light beer to keep him company. 

Luckily, Kinga noticed his situation and walked over to him, a glass of what looked like whiskey in her hand. She carried her characteristic unhappy look. “I hate parties.”

“You certainly are a ray of sunshine.”

“Well, everyone just hangs with their own group of friends. I don't have many friends here.”

“You don't? You've been working here for years.”

“I just never bothered. Besides, in a few years, they'll all be gone, either promoted or off to a different job. And I'll be here, stuck like a frog in concrete.”

Jonah frowned at the frankly disgusting image. “Listen, I know it's probably not my place to say, but if you hate your job, then apply for something else. You seem qualified to work pretty much anywhere, from what you've told me. Tell me, what’s your one true passion in life?”

Kinga paused. “I… I don't really know. Why do you care so much? What do you get out of all this?”

“I don't get anything out of this, I just think you look miserable, and I want to help you! Is that so wrong?” 

Kinga took a step back. She downed the rest of her drink in one sip, slammed the glass onto the bar, and stormed off. Jonah started to follow her, before feeling a hand on his arm. Turning, he realized that it was Max.

“Let her go, man.” Max said, shaking his head. 

“What’s her problem? I do my best to be nice to her, and she just runs off!” 

“Kinga’s always been like that. She’d been so used to people making fun of her when she was a kid that she doesn't really know how to handle it when people are nice to her. She’s used to me, because I've known her for so long, but you're new. I'd say just give her some time. She’ll warm up to you.”

“Are you sure? Because this whole week she’s seemed so… angry, somehow.”

“That’s probably because management stiffed her on a raise last week.” 

“She never mentioned that.”

“Yeah, she’s never really been one to talk about her problems. But you seem like a genuinely good guy, Jonah. She’ll get used to you. Just don't let her grumpiness push you away.”

Jonah nodded. “Thanks, Max.”

“Hey, it's no trouble. But there’s something you should know, before you get any closer to her.”

Jonah wrinkled his brow. “And what’s that?”

“Within the company, there's a strict no dating policy. Coworkers can't date each other. I don't know if that's what you're looking for with my stepsister, but if it is, just keep that in mind.”

Jonah felt as though all of his insides had suddenly been turned into lead. “Oh. I see.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Well, that doesn't mean we can't still be friends.”

Max clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit.”

\---------

The next week, work began to pick up, and Jonah barely had any time to talk with Kinga. It didn't help that immediately when the clock hit five, Kinga was out the door, though Jonah had no idea why. He figured she was likely trying to beat the traffic. After this had been going on for a few days, Jonah decided to follow her. He was a bit behind, but caught up with her on the elevator down to the parking garage. 

“So how have you been?” He asked. 

“Don't you know it's taboo to talk in an elevator?”

“Well, yeah. But I figured that we haven't had much time to talk lately. Anything interesting happen to you?”

“No. Nothing ever does, in this job.” 

Jonah sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. “Fine. I'll just talk about my week, then. It's been interesting. I've had one of those weirdo customers. I think he was a doomsday prepper. Wanted to know how much radiation one of our computers could handle before it fried. I had to tell him that I have honestly no idea. Why would you even need a computer after a nuclear apocalypse? Wouldn't most of the electricity on earth be out anyway?”

He looked over, and saw that he had successfully evicted a hint of a smile onto of her face. 

It then occurred to him the real reason why she might have been running directly to her car after work, instead of sitting to talk for a little. 

“Kinga, have you been avoiding me?”

A hesitation. “Maybe I have.”

“Why? If I’m irritating, or crossing a boundary, just tell me, and I'll back off. We don't even have to look at each other if you don't want to.” Though he wished it wouldn't have to resort to that. 

“No, no. It's none of that. It's just… you’re a little foreword. And I'm not used to having someone actually want to talk to me that much.”

“Like I said, if you want me to back off, I will. But I'd like for us to be friends. If that's ok with you.” 

She seemed to tense up a little, though Jonah couldn't quite tell why. After a moment she softened, but she still didn't seem relaxed. “Alright. Fine. But I'm not lending you any money.”

“That's fine with me. I'm not asking for money.” 

Neither of them has noticed that the elevator had finally reached the underground garage. The doors began to close, before Jonah stuck his arm out, prompting them to open. He motioned for Kinga to walk ahead of him, and she did so without even looking at him. 

“Later.” She muttered, heading off towards her car. 

“See you. Have a good night.” 

Jonah stood there as she walked off, dealing with the fact that his stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels. He couldn't let it do that. He couldn't have that kind of feeling towards her. Because he couldn't date her. At least not while they both worked at Gizmonic. And he had no idea how long that would be. 

The next day, Kinga seemed slightly happier, which Jonah took to be a good sign. She actually said hello to him in the morning, as opposed to just doing a halfhearted wave and a grunt, which was what she had been doing the entire week. 

About halfway through the day, things had been going as normal, until the fire alarm abruptly went off. Being on the tenth floor of their building, this was not good for anyone who worked at Gizmonic. They had to all file out and file down the stairs, where numerous other floors were now clogging the stairwell with people. Jonah nudged Kinga, getting her attention. 

“Do you think this is real, or is it just a drill?”

“Probably real. The fifteenth floor is all science labs. Who knows what they blew up this time.”

“This time? I thought this building was owned by a computer company. What are scientists doing blowing things up?”

“Gizmonic isn't just computers. That's just our branch. There's a bunch of different ones, each with a different thing to get blown up. At least that's what my dad tells me.”

That was the first time she had willingly mentioned anything about her family without prompting. A milestone. “Does your dad work here?”

“Uh, yeah. He’s kind of the president of the company. And one of the chief scientists.” 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Look him up if you don't believe me. Dr Clayton Forrester. Gizmonic big shot. Always experimenting.” Her voice carried a twinge of some emotion. Regret?

“Must be rough, having your dad as the big boss.”

“Like you wouldn't believe. He’s the reason why I got this job in the first place.”

Jonah was starting to put the pieces together. “Is that why you resent it so much?”

Kinga sighed, but before she could answer, they were forced to move within the throng of people. Soon, Jonah found himself separated from her. He peered over the crowd for her trademark bun, but realized that he'd just have to wait for all of this to calm down before he could locate her again. 

Jonah found himself ushered outside with hundreds of other Gizmonic workers wondering just what exactly had happened to cause such an evacuation. He hoped they would be going back inside soon, as he noticed storm clouds forming over the horizon. If only he’d brought his umbrella outside with him. 

Luckily, within a few minutes, the blaring alarm stopped and people began to enter the building. Jonah finally caught sight of Kinga, and worked his way through the crowd to get to her. 

“Hey. Sorry I lost you there.” 

“Mhm.” 

He realized this might have been about what he had said before. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line again. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

“It's not that I don't want to. I do. It's just… not here. Meet me in the parking lot at 5:30. I'll tell you why I don't like the job.” 

Jonah was surprised at her sudden willingness to talk, but he gladly accepted it. “Got it. I'll meet you there.”

Back in the office, the rest of the day ticked by without much event. Jonah received an email stating that some of the scientists had decided to get a little too creative with Bunsen burners, and that was why the fire alarm went off. No one was hurt, except likely several egos. 

Kinga left when it turned 5:00, but Jonah waited at his desk until 5:25 before he began to head down to the parking garage. He figured she probably didn't want anyone to know that the two of them were meeting, which was why she left so early. How scandalous. 

He entered the garage and looked around. He spotted Kinga a ways away, in a corner, leaning on what he assumed to be her car. Jonah smiled as he approached her. 

“This is kind of creepy. Are you going to murder me?” He said, cracking a smile.

Kinga rolled her eyes. “No, but if you make another joke like that, I just might.”

“Nothing like a death threat between friends.”

“Ha.” Not a real laugh. It didn't count. 

Jonah replaced his smile with a more serious expression. “So you were going to tell me about why you hate your job.”

“Yeah. You may wanna settle in. This might get long.” 

Jonah leaned against her car beside her and nodded. 

“Alright. You have to promise not to tell another soul what I tell you. Not even my brother.” 

Jonah crossed his heart. “I promise.”

“Good.” She took a deep breath. “A few years back, I was green and fresh out of college. I was looking for a job in biochemistry, when my dad offered me a position here. I assumed it meant I would be in the science division. I was wrong. I ended up in sales. But the problem is, I do it well. My dad assumes that I like the job. And I can't just go up to him and tell him that I don't want to do it anymore. I can't just hand in my two week notice to my own father. But I can't underperform either. If I do, he’ll just fire me, and I'll probably never be able to hold a steady job again.”

“Big shoes to fill.”

“Unbelievably. And the worst part is, my dad thinks I'm going to want to take over the business once he retires. But I don't want to. I have literally no interest in doing anything more with Gizmonic than is necessary.” She sighed. “And it’s… it's taken it's toll on me. I can't find joy in anything anymore. I can't even get a damn promotion!” She slammed her fist into the car. 

Jonah moved back a step. He realized that she was starting to tear up. 

“Jonah, I have nowhere to go. There's nothing I can do. I'm stuck in a damn hole, in this job I hate, and I'll be there until the day I die.” She began to cry, tears streaming down her face. “Please. Help me. You're the first person here who hasn't turned me away.”

Jonah held out his arms, and Kinga buried her face into his work shirt. He put his arms around her, and she sobbed openly. “Shh. Hey. It's ok. I'll help you figure it out. You deserve better than this.”

“Thank you.” Kinga mumbled blearily. “Thank you.”

\----------

The next day was finally Friday. A welcome respite from the pain and suffering of the work week. Everyone kept their eyes tuned to their clocks, so they could see exactly when five o'clock struck. 

The minute it hit, everyone threw down their headsets, shut off their computers, and bolted towards the door. It was often a better idea to wait some time, until most of the other people had left, in order to avoid the traffic-jammed elevators. 

Jonah swiveled his chair over to Kinga. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

A good start. “Any plans for the weekend?”

“I was going to go home, watch all of the Jurassic park movies, and eat some microwaved ramen.” She seemed to realize just how that sounded. “Unless you have something better I could do.”

“I was thinking, do you have a résumé?” 

“Yeah, of course I do. What are you suggesting?”

“Well, maybe we could get together, take a look over that, and then maybe look for some jobs for you. We could do it at a coffee shop or something. Make a fun day out of it.”

Kinga immediately seemed skeptical, as she often did. “I'm still not convinced you're not trying to get anything out of me through this.”

Jonah rolled his eyes. “Kinga, come on. I wouldn't do that to you. I want to do this because I want to help you find a job you actually like doing.”

“Fine.”

“Good. Now, how does noon at the Starbucks a few miles away sound?”

“Sounds like I have enough time to sleep in. Good.”

“Cool. Now, beforehand, just to get a general idea, what kind of biochemistry job are you looking for?”

“I’m not sure. I've always liked the idea of being a forensic scientist, though.”

“Well, that's a good start off point. Tomorrow we can look for forensic scientist jobs in the area. Since we’re in a city, I think there’ll probably be at least a few out there.”

Kinga checked her watch. Evidently it was time to go. She stood up, grabbed her bag, and then paused. “How are you still so optimistic?”

“I don't know. I guess it's just in my nature. Plus, I like talking to you. You're good people.”

She always seemed taken aback when he complimented her. “W… thanks, I guess. You are too.”

The next day, Jonah sat at Starbucks, anxiously awaiting Kinga. He had come prepared, with his laptop, and had already searched for some forensic science jobs which seemed to fit her forte. Just as the clock struck noon, she walked in, ordered a Venti dark roast with ten sugars, and sat down beside him. 

“Alright. What have you got here?”

“Good morning to you too.”

She smirked. “Listen, I like to just get right to the business.”

“I know you do.” Jonah smiled affectionately. But not too affectionately. He was desperately attempting to conceal his ever-growing interest in her. “Now, I assume you brought your résumé?”

“Yep.” She reached into her bag and brought out a sheet of paper. “I've got paper copies, and the word document on a flash drive.”

“Excellent.” He read over the résumé, nodding slightly at certain things. “Résumé seems solid. That's good. The first thing a good candidate needs is a good résumé.”

“Oh. Good. Truth be told I had no idea. I've never had to use it before.” 

“Well, it really is good. Now, do you want to look at some of these jobs I've pulled up here?”

He slid the laptop over to her, and he watched as her eyes glanced over the screen. Her eyes were quite nice. But he couldn't think like that. Not if he wanted to keep his job. 

“This one looks solid. It seems like it pays well, and they give you benefits.”

“Remember, you can apply to more than one, too.”

“Good point. I'll probably apply to all of these, then.”

“Alright. Do you have a cover letter written up? Some don't require them, but I think most do.”

“Yeah, it's on the flash drive too.”

“Cool. Plug those in, pull them up, and then we can go from there.”

Kinga paused, looking directly at Jonah. He felt his heart skip a beat. “How come you know so much about applying to jobs?”

“I've applied to a lot in my time.” He smiled and laughed a slightly pained laugh. “Like I said when we first talked about it, it's not easy to find a job when you majored in robotics and film studies.”

“Why film studies?”

“I just really like movies. I don't really plan on ever making my own. But I just like to watch them. Especially bad ones. I used to watch bad movies and make fun of them with some friends of mine all the time back in college.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It was. Maybe we could do it together some time.”

Immediately after saying that, he noticed Kinga retreating back into her shell. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Jonah rubbed his forehead. “God, Kinga. The minute I ever ask you to do something with me that's not job related, you immediately turn it down. I just don't understand. Why?”

“It's… never you mind. Let's just get back to the job applications. I need to enter my social security number into some of them, so look away.”

Jonah turned, and could hear the sound of Kinga clicking away on the laptop. He spent that time trying to lower his heart rate. Damnit, how that woman could make him feel. No matter how hard he tried, his feelings for her never went away. 

“Alright. You wanna take a look at this, make sure I did it right?”

He turned back and clicked through the different applications. “Looks good. Now we just need to attach your résumé and submit it.”

“Ok, I can do that. You're sure my résumé is good? No need for font changes or anything?”

“Nope. Font’s perfect. Professional, yet still carries a bit of personality.” 

“Good.” She went into her flash drive and added her résumé to each of the applications. “Do you think it needs anything more?”

“It all looks good to me. Just hit submit, and you'll be good to go.”

Kinga moved to hit the button, but paused. She took a deep breath. “You're sure this is a good idea? I mean, I've never worked anywhere else. I've got a steady jobs here.”

Jonah smiled reassuringly. “I know it is. Sometimes, you just have to trust that the right thing will come your way. I can tell that this job at Gizmonic isn't the right thing for you. But one of these forensics jobs might be.” 

Another moment’s hesitation. Then, she submitted the first application, and then the second, and then the rest. “Done. How long do you think it'll take for them to get back to me?”

“It can vary. Some might get back to you quick, but some can take longer. It can also depend on how long the job is up online. I've found that it usually takes a week or two.”

“Damn. That's a long time to wait.” 

“I'm sure it'll fly by faster than you'd think. In the meantime, you should prepare for what they might ask if they decide to interview you.” 

“That is a good idea.” She sighed. “But can we do that next weekend? We’ve done a lot today.”

“Of course. I’m sure you want the rest of your Saturday to yourself.”

“It's… actually been fun, doing this. It's a new experience for me. And I'm glad you're helping me. Even if I still think you're doing it to try to get something out of me.”

Jonah rolled his eyes. “I thought we were past that.”

“I’m always wary, Heston. You should know that by now.”

Hmm. She called him by his last name. What did that mean? Probably that he was looking too deeply into it. “Well, I’m glad to be able to help you. Even if you think I'm some terrible person.”

“I don't think you're terrible. I can tell that much. But we've only known each other for a few weeks. I think I'm reasonable in my suspicion.”

“Of course.” He checked his watch. He realized that they had been there for several hours. “I should probably get going. Things to do. Places to go.”

“Right. See you at work, I guess.”

“Yep. See you.”

On Monday, Jonah immediately noticed that something was up with Kinga. Mainly because of the fact that she had a massive pile of tissues on her desk and in her wastebasket, and was sniffling loudly. 

“Are you sick?” He asked, upon entering their cubicle. 

“No. I'm fine.” She said, her voice nasally from congestion. “It's just allergies.” 

“Sure. Allergies. Whatever you think.” 

She sneezed loudly. “Don't sass me, Heston.”

He held up his hands. “Sass you? Me? No way.”

He couldn't see her face because she was facing her computer, but he was willing to bet she had rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.” 

“Why don’t you just take a sick day?”

“I'm saving them up for a special occasion.” She coughed. “Besides, like I said, it's only allergies. Not like I have the swine flu or something.”

“Alright. I believe you. But if you throw up, I will personally escort you home.”

“I'm not going to throw up. Because it's only allergies.” 

Jonah couldn't help but smile at her stubbornness. He knew that she knew it wasn't just allergies, but he also knew that she couldn't lose an argument. 

After a few hours, Jonah realized that she was getting worse. She was sneezing more and more, often while she was getting calls from customers. It was time for an intervention. He took his headset off and wheeled his chair over to her. 

“Alright. I'm stopping this now. You have to go home and get some rest.”

“No. Like I said. I'm fine.” Another sneeze. “Do you have any tissues? I'm almost out.”

He wheeled back over to his desk, pulled out a box of tissues, and wheeled back to her. “Come on. You're sick as a dog. Go home.”

“I can work. Though I do feel like it's a little too warm in here. Is it warm in here to you?”

He put his hand to her forehead. He expected her to push him away, but surprisingly, she didn't. “Well, you've definitely got a fever. Have you been drinking water?”

“No. Just my coffee.” 

Jonah sighed. “I'm insisting now. You have to go home.”

“I don't have to do anything. You're not my boss.”

And then, she abruptly threw up into her wastebasket. 

“Alright. Fine. I'll go home.”

She stood up and almost fell over. Jonah caught her, putting her arm around his neck. “Woah. Hey. I've got you.”

He lead her down the line of cubicles and towards the office exit. Before they left, he paused at the secretary’s desk. “She’s sick. We’re leaving.”

The secretary looked at the ill Kinga with a disgusted expression. “Please do. Get well soon.”

Jonah escorted Kinga down to the parking garage and to her car. “You think you can get yourself home?”

“I… I don't know. I don't want to throw up in the middle of an intersection.” 

“That's reasonable. Your car have a GPS?”

“Yeah.” 

“Cool. Your apartment programmed into it?”

“Heston, I don't need you to drive me home. I can just call an Uber or something.”

“So you can throw up in the back seat of a stranger’s car. Because that's somehow better.”

She seemed like she was going to argue, but conceded. “Fine. But you're not coming inside my house.” 

“Of course.” 

She pulled her keys out and put them into his hand. “You'd better be a good driver, because if even a scratch gets on her…”

“Don't worry.” He unlocked the car and opened the passenger side door, motioning for her to enter. She got in, and he went in the driver’s side. “This is a pretty nice car.”

“What'd you’d expect, for me to have a hideous one?”

He could tell she was throwing up her barriers again. “I'm just saying it's nice is all.” He put the key in and turned it on. The engine hummed pleasantly. He tapped a few buttons on the GPS, and they were off. 

For most of the ride, they were silent. Suddenly, Kinga spoke. “I’m sorry I've been kind of an ass to you sometimes.”

“It's fine. I can take it.” 

“You shouldn't have to. You're too nice. That’s why I find it hard to trust you sometimes.”

“I understand. Really, I do.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile and turn towards the window. “I appreciate it.”

They had finally reached Kinga’s apartment building. It was a pretty fancy place, much nicer than Jonah’s own building. 

“Is there a garage?”

“Yeah, over there. My parking space is 7E.” 

“Got it.”

Jonah drove into the garage and found Kinga’s parking space. “Alrighty. We’re here.”

“Thank you for this.” She paused. “Wait a second, how are you going to get home? Your car is back at the office.”

“I can take the bus back to the office. Worst comes to worst I can Uber.”

“You want money for the bus fare? Here, I've got-” She was cut off by a fit of sneezing. 

“It's fine. It'll be like $3 anyway. Don't worry about it.” He took the keys out of the ignition and handed them to her. “Go and get some rest.”

They both got out of the car. Kinga, still woozy, leaned against it for support. “Shit.” 

He knew she would never ask for help, so he walked over to her and held out his arm. “Come on. I'll help you.” 

She didn't even bother to argue. She wrapped her arm around his, leaning against him for support. “I hate being sick.”

“I don't think anyone actually likes it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Just help me to my apartment, dork.”

Dork. He wondered what she meant by that. Dork, as in the affectionate term for a cute nerd? Or dork, as in the loser in high school with braces, headgear, and gets their lunch money stolen every day?

Jonah helped Kinga inside and to the elevator. They travelled up to the 16th floor, and Kinga lead them down the hall to her apartment, 16B. 

“This is my stop.” She said, unlocking the door. “You want a cup of coffee or something?” 

The thought was enticing, but he knew he probably shouldn't. “Nah, I should be going. But thanks anyways.”

Kinga seemed disappointed. “Oh. Well, thanks again for helping me. I appreciate it.”

“It was no trouble.”

A moment of silence between the two of them. Jonah wondered what was going to transpire at the end of it.

Eventually, Jonah cleared his throat. “I guess I'll be going, then.”

He turned, but felt Kinga’s hand on his shoulder. “Jonah, wait.”

“What’s up?”

“I…” She looked like she was considering whether or not to tell him something important. Evidently, she decided not to. “Never mind. It can wait.”

“Kinga, whatever it is, I can take it. Probably.” 

“It's nothing. I'll tell you later. Have a good day.” 

And with that, she had retreated into her apartment and closed the door, leaving Jonah to fester in the hall, wondering what he might have done wrong. 

The next few days, Kinga wasn't at work. Good. That meant she was taking time to recuperate, and not pushing herself too much. But he was a little worried. What if she was trying to avoid him?

On Friday, Jonah approached Max at the end of the day. Max seemed pleased to see him. “Hey, new guy. Thanks for helping out my sister. Sometimes she can be a little stubborn, but I can see that you don't let it get to you.”

“It's no problem. Hey, you wouldn't happen to have her phone number, would you?”

“Of course. Let me write it down for you.” Max pulled out a pad of paper, scribbled down the number, and handed it to Jonah. “How’s it going between you two?”

Jonah raised an eyebrow. “Going? Nothing's really going between us. We’re friends, that's all. And besides, you're the one who told me that dating between coworkers isn't allowed.”

Max smiled. “I know. Just making sure you two aren't getting frisky is all.”

Jonah smirked. “Trust me. I am not the kind of person to be getting frisky.” 

“Sure. Sure. I trust you. Have a good weekend.” 

“You too.”

Max left, and Jonah returned to his cubicle. He picked up his cell phone and typed in Kinga’s number. After a few rings, she picked up.

“Hello?” She said, her voice still congested. 

“Kinga? It's Jonah from the office.”

“Well, duh. You're the only Jonah I know.”

Ah. Back to her normal bitterness. “I got your number from your brother. I wanted to check on you, make sure you're doing ok.”

“I'm fine. Still a little stuffy.”

“Do you still want to go over your interview stuff tomorrow?”

“Damn. I had completely forgotten about that.”

“Well, that's alright. We can reschedule. How about some time after work on Monday?”

He could tell something was wrong when she hesitated. “I don't think we should. I've… I've changed my mind.”

Jonah frowned. “You sure? I just think it would be good for you to get some practice before-”

“Yeah. I'm sure. Goodbye.”

She hung up abruptly. Jonah felt his stomach knotting. Had he said something wrong? Had he offended her somehow by calling her? 

He decided that the best way to deal with his problems would be to join the rest of the people from the office at their weekly bar visit. 

\----------

The following Monday, Kinga definitely seemed to be avoiding him. She didn't even say hi when he came into the office. Her sudden and total disregard of him took any semblance of fun out of his job, and he found himself not wanting to do anything. He shouldn't have any reason to feel like this. It wasn't like they had been dating, and she had broken up with him. He had been through plenty of those before. But nothing felt like this. He felt as though he had been hit by an emotional bus, and Kinga was the driver. 

At the end of the day, Kinga did her usual routine of trying to run off. Jonah thought about not following her, but then realized that the sooner this issue could be resolved, the better. And so he followed her, catching up with her in the elevator. 

“Kinga. Have I done something wrong?”

“No. You haven't done anything wrong at all. I just… I need some time alone is all.” 

“Alright. I'll back off.”

She sighed. “That's the problem. I don't want you to, but I think it would be for the best that we didn't get too close. I like you. A lot. Too much. And that's why I need some time.”

“Kinga…”

“Don't. Don't say anything. Because then you'll make me regret this, and then you'll make me like you even more. And I can't lose this job until I've got another one.”

He pondered not saying anything, but decided against it. “Have any of the places you've applied to contacted you yet.”

“Yes. A few. Now stop talking.”

He stopped talking. The elevator dinged, depositing them into the parking garage. They parted ways, and Jonah went into his car, laid his head on the steering wheel, and took a deep breath. Damnit. Now he knew she liked him back. And now she was probably never going to speak to him again, unless one of these other jobs worked out for her. He felt like he was going to throw up at the thought of not talking to her again. She was so smart, so beautiful, so far out of reach. 

The next day, Jonah entered the cubicle, only to find that the person sitting there wasn't Kinga. It was someone who he had never met before. He went up to the office secretary. 

“Hey, uh, if you don't mind me asking, where did Kinga go?”

“Oh, she transferred to a different cubicle.” The secretary leaned foreword and broke into a whisper. “Good for you. She can be such a stick in the mud.”

Jonah paled. “Did she say why?”

“Said you were distracting her, though I can't understand why.”

“Alright. Well, thanks for the help.”

“No problem. Why are you so concerned with her, anyway? I thought you'd be happy to see her gone.”

“She’s actually a nice person once you get to know her.”

“Right. I'll believe that when I see it.”

Jonah was getting increasingly irritated with the secretary, so he returned to his desk. But he found his initial lust for work gone. He now understood the monotony of it that Kinga had talked about when they had first met. It felt increasingly more like a chore to work. 

The entire rest of the week, he didn't even see Kinga once. In an attempt to find her, he went to the gathering at the bar on Friday. Kinga wasn't there, as he expected, but Max was, so he decided to talk to him. 

“Max. Hi.”

“Oh, hey, new guy.”

“I've been here for a month. Why am I still new guy?”

“Well, you are the newest person in our department.”

He paused. “Alright, good point.”

“You want to ask me something about Kinga, don't you?”

“Yeah, how'd you guess?”

Max smiled slightly. “Because that's the only reason why you ever talk to me.”

“Maybe I wanted to see how you were doing, since you are pretty much the only other person here who I can remember the name of.”

“Don't kid yourself. What'd you wanna know?”

“Kinga’s been avoiding me. I know why, but it's making me miserable. Can you try to convince her to talk to me?”

“I can't convince Kinga to do anything. She’s very strong-minded.” Upon seeing Jonah’s sad expression, he sighed. “I'll talk to her. Just don't expect it to work.”

“Thank you, Max. I owe you one.”

“Listen, if you want to know the truth, I think my sister needs someone like you. She seems genuinely happy when she talks about you, which is about as close as she gets to openly admitting that she likes you. And she's my sister. I want to see her happy.”

“Naturally.”

“So if you hurt her, I'll be forced to kill you.”

“I would expect nothing less.” 

Max nodded. “Good. I'm rooting for you. Just don't let her lose her job is all I'm asking.” 

“Don't worry. I'll be careful.”

\------------

On Monday, Kinga approached Jonah in the parking lot at the end of the day. She seemed… perturbed. 

“What do you want? I've gotta get home and… feed my fish.”

Jonah sighed. “I know you didn't want to talk to me again. But I can't stand not talking to you.”

“I don't like not talking to you either. But I don't see any other way.” 

“Kinga, please. This is tearing me apart.” 

“Do you want to lose your job? Because if we got caught, that's what would happen.”

“For you? I would. There's a million different jobs in the world, but only one you. And I don't want to lose you.”

Instead of replying, Kinga kissed him. A deep, passionate kiss, filled with longing. She ran her fingers through Jonah’s hair, and in turn, Jonah wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. After what felt like far too short a time, she pulled away, leaving Jonah wanting even more. 

“Uh oh.” Kinga whispered. She looked into Jonah’s eyes with a twinge of fear. “What if someone saw us?” 

“No one else is down here.” 

“You don't know that.” She pulled herself out of his arms, and his face fell. “We shouldn't have done that. At least not here. God, this is what I was worried about.”

“Kinga, I…”

“Hold on. I just need to think about how this could work. If I get one of those jobs working somewhere else, we won't have to deal with Gizmonic’s rules, but we don't know how long that could take. At this rate I-”

Jonah cut her off by kissing her again. She seemed at first like she was going to protest, but after a moment she melted into him. This time, it was Jonah who pulled away. 

“Kinga. For the moment, just enjoy it.”

Kinga sighed and rested her head on Jonah’s shoulder. “Alright. It's just… I don't want you to lose your job.”

“Like I told you. I don't care about that. I care about you.”

“God, you're wonderful. I don't deserve you, as a friend or as whatever else may come of this.”

“Sure you do. Besides, when I first met you, I thought you were so out of my league.” 

Kinga snickered. “Seriously?”

“Well, yeah. I've never had much luck in the date department. Am I a good kisser?”

This time, Kinga laughed. An actual, genuine laugh, that sounded like bells and magic and wonder. “Yes, you are.” 

Mission accomplished. So he kissed her again. This time, he knew how it felt to feel her soft lips against his as they connected in a passionate embrace. And he wanted more of it. 

“God. You really are good.” Kinga said, after they finally pulled apart again. 

“You're not so bad yourself.” Jonah replied with a smile. 

“We need to think about what this means for us, though.”

“We should probably get out of this parking lot before we do that.”

“Right. Yes. Of course. Meet me at my apartment. Then we can talk.” 

Jonah nodded. “Alright.” He pressed a kiss to her nose, and started off to his car. 

\------------

The two of them came to the consensus that in order to make this work, they would have to do whatever romantic business they were going to do outside of work. No secret kisses in the office, no making out in the parking garage (that was a one time deal). They couldn't run the risk of getting caught. 

Luckily, Kinga had had several interviews for several forensic positions. If she got one of those jobs, they wouldn't have to sneak around. It was only a matter of time. 

Jonah was over the moon. He had regained his enjoyment of his job and life in general, and things were looking up. He and Kinga were set to have dinner at her place on Friday, and he was going to introduce her to the world of riffing bad movies, starting with Birdemic. 

That Friday, he anxiously knocked on the door to her apartment. He had brought flowers, some microwave popcorn for the movie, and the Blu-ray Disc of Birdemic. But when Kinga answered, he could tell something was off. 

“Kinga? Is something wrong?”

“My grandmother and her friends stopped by for a visit.” 

“Really? What does that mean?”

“It means, get ready. She’s tough as nails, and has made many people cry before. I had to tell her that you were coming.”

“So she knows about us.”

“Yeah. But she promised not to tell my dad.”

Right. Her dad was the president of the company in which they were now both risking being fired from. “That's good, I hope. What’s her name?”

“Pearl. Just let me do all of the talking. If she makes any snarky remarks to you, she’s testing you.”

“Testing me?”

“Making sure you're good enough for me.”

Jonah paled. “Alright. Let's hope she likes me.”

“Oh, and her friends, Bobo and Brain Guy, are a little weird. But they're never any trouble.” 

Kinga lead Jonah into her apartment. It was a nice little place, with a kitchen, dining area, living room, and a bedroom off to the side. And Grandma Pearl sat on the couch with a glass of red wine, in between a man with a purple cloak and a brain in a bowl and someone who looked like they had just stepped off the set of the Planet of the Apes. 

“Grandma Pearl, this is Jonah. Jonah, this is Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy.”

Jonah held out a hand. “It's nice to meet you, m’am.”

Pearl, instead of shaking it, merely looked at his outstretched hand until he pulled it back. “Hmm. Respectful. Interesting.”

Interesting? What on earth was that supposed to mean? 

Kinga seemed to see Jonah’s distress. “So, Grandma, you never actually told me why you decided to drop by.”

“Well, kiddo, we were in the area, and we just decided to make an appearance.”

Bobo frowned, and, leaning across Pearl towards Brain Guy, failed in an attempt to whisper. “I thought we were going to use the ‘we like your cooking’ excuse?”

Brain Guy shook his head, and failed at whispering back. “No, but I was pretty sure we had agreed upon the ‘we ran out of gas money and need some dough’ excuse. Evidently we were both wrong.”

Kinga sighed. “Alright, what was your real reason for coming?”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Brain Guy saw that you had written on your calendar that you were going to be making dinner for someone named Jonah, and had drawn a heart around said Jonah’s name, so we decided to come by and check him out.”

Kinga frowned. “Have you been spying on my calendar?”

Pearl and Brain Guy looked at each other. She seemed to be bullying him into taking the blame. 

“You see, we’ve been looking at your calendar to see which days you'll be having people over so we can come and mooch off of your food.” Brain Guy said. “It’s nothing devious, I assure you.”

Kinga shook her head. “I can't believe you people. Why don't you just go to a restaurant or something?”

Pearl sipped her wine nonchalantly. “Kinga, honey, why would I pay for food when I can get it from you for free? And besides, it’s a little challenging taking Bobo into restaurants. He scares away other customers and we end up getting asked to leave.”

“And so instead you come here? Why don't you bother my dad?”

“Because, let's be real here, you're a way better cook than your father.”

Kinga conceded. “Alright. You have a point there. But you need to stop stalking my calendar. If you want food, just ask.” She grabbed Jonah by the arm. “Jonah, would you join me in the kitchen for a moment?”

“What’s up?” He asked as she took him into the kitchen. 

“Maybe we should do this some other night. My grandmother is a real piece of work sometimes, and I don't want her scaring you off.”

“Kinga, don't worry. Whatever happens, I can handle it.”

“So you aren't scared of her?”

“Oh, I’m petrified, but she doesn't need to know that.”

Kinga smiled. “You’re good. Now, would you mind setting the table? The silverware’s in that drawer.” She then yelled over her shoulder, “Grandma! Dinner’s almost ready!”

Jonah set the table, and Grandma Pearl sat (of course) at the head of it, with Bobo and Brain Guy at her sides. Kinga sat at the other end, and Jonah ended up sitting next to Bobo. 

For the first few minutes, a deadly silence loomed over the party. Finally, Pearl spoke. “So, Jonah, what exactly do you do?”

“I’m in sales, just like Kinga.”

“Mhm. And what qualifies you to be working alongside my lovely granddaughter?”

Jonah thought for a moment. “Nothing, Actually. I've got a degree in robotics and film studies, and neither of those really qualify me for a sales position.”

Kinga looked as though she was having a series of increasingly elaborate heart attacks. 

Pearl, however, seemed even more interested. “Robotics. Now that does sound interesting. What kind of robots are we talking here?”

“It depends. I did my masters thesis on friendly artificial intelligence and its interaction with humans, but I've worked with a lot of different types of robots. My friend Joel actually made a series of robots specifically designed to riff bad movies and interact with the human watching it.” 

“Hold on, what’s Joel’s last name?”

Jonah raised an eyebrow. “Robinson.”

Pearl laughed. “Oh, that Joel! He’s a friend of a friend. I'm quite familiar with his robots.”

Kinga sighed. “Yes, the robots call her grandma too. They frequently come to family gatherings with our friend Mike.” 

“Mike… Nelson?” Jonah asked. 

“That's the one.”

“I know him too. Dropped out a year or so in. He lives with Joel, I think.” He paused. “Hold on, why do the robots come to your family gatherings?”

“Our family is just sort of a big hodge-podge of different people.” Pearl said. “Bobo and Brain Guy here are just as much family as Kinga is. It makes for some wild Christmas parties.”

“Sounds like it.”

Brain Guy nodded. “Mike always brings the best barbecue chicken wings.”

“So, Jonah.” Pearl said. “Kinga has told me all about your ‘situation.’ Now, I won't tell my son, because frankly there's a lot I don't tell him, but there is one thing I need you to know.”

Oh no. What could this be? “Ok?”

“If you hurt my granddaughter in any way, you will find yourself face-down in a ditch with police dogs searching for your body.”

Jonah held his hands up. “Of course. I swear I will not hurt her.” He smiled slightly. “You know, you're not the first Forrester to threaten to kill me if I hurt Kinga. Max said pretty much the same thing, albeit less graphic.”

Kinga frowned. “Seriously? My family has been giving you death threats?”

“It’s no big deal. They’re just protective of you. It's actually kind of sweet, once you get past the initial fear.”

Kinga put her head in her hands. “Oh. My god.” 

“Kinga, honey, it's only because we love you.” Pearl said, motioning with her fork. “Besides, as long as he’s good to you, he has nothing to worry about.” 

“And if it makes you feel any better,” Bobo interjected excitedly, “I quite like you. I think you'll be a good match for our Kinga.” 

Jonah nodded. “Thanks, Bobo.” 

For the rest of dinner, conversation went along as any normal dinner would, much to Jonah’s enjoyment. Kinga seemed satisfied that Jonah and Pearl were getting along well, and relaxed a little. Eventually, Pearl checked her watch. 

“Well, honey, it looks like it's about time for us to be heading out.” Pearl said. “Jonah, it was nice to meet you. But remember what I said.”

Jonah nodded. “Yes, ma'am.” 

Pearl laughed. “Please, just call me Pearl. Or grandma, if that more suits your tastes. You seem like a good kid. Tell Joel and Mike I said hi if you see em.”

“Sure thing.”

“See you soon, Kinga. Next time I'll actually call you instead of dropping by unannounced.”

Kinga hugged her. “Bye, grandma.”

The odd trio left, and Kinga closed the door behind them. She sighed. “She won't call. She always says she's going to, but then she just appears.” She turned to Jonah. “I’m sorry you had to deal with them without warning.”

“I actually kind of enjoyed it. They're funny people. But what’s up with Bobo?”

“Oh, he’s actually a monkey person. It's best not to question it.”

“...ah. Ok. Then again, my friend has four robot children, so I really shouldn't be judging.”

“Yeah, I didn't have a chance to ask, how do you know Joel?”

“He was a guest speaker in my robotics program. Brought in his robots to meet us. We got to talking, and we’ve been friends ever since. How do you know him?”

“Truth be told I have no idea. I think my dad’s friends with him, and I know Mike’s friends with him, and Mike’s friends with my grandma, and it just gets increasingly more complicated from there.”

“Huh. I guess it really is a small world.” 

“So. Should we start watching that movie you brought? I looked it up yesterday and it sounds as terrible as you said it was.”

Jonah smiled. “It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen.”

“Wonderful.”

\------------

Over the next few weeks, their relationship went along swimmingly. They had to be secret about it at work, but that didn't matter to Jonah. He was just happy to be with her at all. And Kinga was having more interviews for different forensics positions, which was increasingly promising. If she snagged one of these jobs, they wouldn't have to worry anymore. They wouldn't have to sneak around, fearing that one of their coworkers might see them together and tell their boss. 

However, one Wednesday, Jonah came into the office and received a note from the secretary. The company president, a one Dr Clayton Forrester, wanted him to come to his office asap. This could only be a bad sign, but nonetheless Jonah tried to keep up hope. Perhaps he only wanted to meet him to compliment him on his work. Yes, that was probably it. Hopefully. Maybe. If he was lucky. 

Jonah anxiously watched the numbers on the elevator climb. Of course the president’s office had to be on the top floor. It couldn't be conveniently placed anywhere. That would make sense. 

Jonah approached the desk of the president’s assistant and cleared his throat, getting her attention. “Excuse me. I'm Jonah Heston.”

“You can go right in. Dr Forrester’s been expecting you.”

Oh goody. 

Jonah walked into the office, and was greeted by a man who looked nothing like how he expected. Instead of a serious businessman type, Dr Forrester looked pretty much how you'd expect a mad scientist to look. He had a hairstyle that looked as though he had just stepped out of a wind tunnel, with a streak of white in both his hair and, oddly enough, his moustache. He wore a bright green lab coat, and matching green glasses. 

“Good morning, Mr Heston.” Dr Forrester said, in a voice that was distinctly mad-scientisty. 

“Sir.” 

“Do you know why I've called you in here this morning, Mr Heston?”

“No, sir.” He did, but he wasn't going to admit it. 

“You're aware that our company has a strict no-dating policy between coworkers.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And yet, you decided to blatantly disregard this rule, with none but my own daughter.”

Jonah sighed. “Yes, sir.”

“Wow. And you don't even deny it.”

“Well, no. It would only make it worse if I did.”

Dr Forrester took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You've got balls, kid. I'll give you that. But you broke the rule.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now, I don't want to have to fire either of you. You're a good worker. Your sales are consistently good. But I can't just give you a pass. You’re going to have to face the consequences, just like anyone else.”

“Of course, sir.” He hung his head. “I'll clear my desk out, and-”

“Hold on, kid. I’m not done yet. My daughter has informed me that she’s going to be taking a different job in the not too distant future. That changes the circumstances.”

Jonah raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent. 

Dr F’s voice grew quieter. “Frankly, I don't care about the whole dating thing. It's my superiors who put it in place, not me. But nonetheless, I have to abide by their rules. Now, if you can keep this whole thing under wraps until Kinga gets a new job, I'll turn a blind eye to it. But if anyone, and I mean anyone, mentions anything about it, you're gone. Understand?”

Jonah nodded. “Yes sir. Absolutely.”

“Good. Now get back to work. This conversation never happened.” 

“Yes sir.”

Jonah quickly left Dr Forrester’s office and escaped back to the elevator. The minute he sat down at his cubicle, he pulled out his phone and tapped out a text to Kinga. 

“J Jonah Jameson: You There?”

“Queen of all Media: Yeah. What's up?”

“J Jonah Jameson: your dad just called me up to his office”

“Queen of all Media: oh god. What did he say? Did he fire you?” 

“J Jonah Jameson: no. But he said that if anyone catches us before you get a new job, then I'm gone.” 

“Queen of all Media: he knows? How the hell could he know about us?”

“J Jonah Jameson: I have no idea. But the good thing is at least I still have a job for now.”

“Queen of all Media: I want you to tell me everything after work.”

“J Jonah Jameson: of course. I'll give you all the details. Your dad kind of looks like a mad scientist.”

“Queen of all Media: ah. I see the vibe he was going for is working. Did he actually bleach a streak in his hair?”

“J Jonah Jameson: yep. And moustache.”

“Queen of all Media: Jesus. You know, I asked him not to, but he simply wouldn't hear it.”

“J Jonah Jameson: fun.”

“Queen of all Media: don't get me started. I've gotta go. Ttyl.”

“J Jonah Jameson: Later.”

Immediately after work, Jonah and Kinga drove to her apartment. He explained everything that had happened in the meeting, and elaborated on Dr F’s weird mad scientist vibe. 

“God. I can't believe he did that.” Kinga said, putting her head into her hands. “How did he even know about us?”

“Maybe your grandmother let it slip?”

“No, she wouldn't. If there's one thing she can do, it's keep a secret. Bobo, on the other hand…”

“Damnit, really?”

“It wouldn't surprise me. He’s ruined an unfortunate number of surprise birthday parties.” 

“Ok, well, as long as no one else finds out, we’re in the clear.”

“Right. And I mean, it's not like that many people actually know. Only Bobo, Brain Guy, my grandma, my dad, and Max.” She paused. “Ok, so more people than I expected, now that I list it out.” She let out a loud and exasperated sigh. “This sucks.”

“Wanna make out?”

“I really do.”

\------------

That Friday, Jonah noticed that Kinga seemed much more chipper than usual. She had invited him over for dinner with a wide smile on her face. Jonah loved it when she smiled. 

“You seem happy.” Jonah said, as he entered her apartment and kissed her on the cheek. “Something good happen?”

“Guess.” 

“You won the lottery?”

“Nope.”

“You bought a car?”

“Nope.”

“You got tickets to a concert?”

“No, silly.”

“Tell me.”

“I got one of the forensics jobs.”

Jonah put his arms around her and lifted her up in a hug. “Kinga, that's fantastic!” 

Kinga laughed and kissed him on the cheek. “And I can finally hand in my two weeks notice at Gizmonic.”

“Thank god.”

“So what exactly will you be doing at this job?”

“I'll be analyzing material brought in from crime scenes and determining the chemical makeup.” 

Jonah was impressed. “Wow. That's intense.”

“I know, right? I'm so excited, I can barely breathe.” She gave him a peck on the lips. “I wouldn't have been able to do it without you.”

“I'm sure you could have. It might've taken longer, but you could have.”

“Shush and take the compliment.” Kinga laid her head on his chest, and sighed deeply. “God, I love you.”

“And I love you. For better or for worse.”

“Nerd.” 

The next day, Kinga handed in her two week’s notice at Gizmonic. They had dinner together to celebrate, but it wouldn't just be them. Dr Forrester basically invited himself and his husband Frank over for dinner too. And so Jonah feared it would be an extremely awkward occasion to meet the parents, given that one of her parents is also his boss. 

“Jonah, this is my dad, Clay, whom you already know,” she motioned to Dr F, who was sitting on the couch next to a grey-haired man who looked not unlike Max. “And this is my other dad, Frank. Frank, this is Jonah, my boyfriend.”

Jonah held out a hand, and Frank shook it. “It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

Dr F smirked. “You really are always courteous, aren't you? A little too courteous, if you ask me.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “Clay, honey, don't be a jerk. Jonah, it's nice to meet you too. Kinga’s been telling us all about you in the last day or so.”

Jonah paled slightly. “All good things, I hope?”

“A little too good.” Dr F said, his moustache bristling. 

“I see we somehow got off on the wrong foot.” Jonah sighed. 

Frank gave Jonah a reassuring smile. “Don't worry. He’s just stubborn. He’ll warm up to you once he figured out that you're not trying to manipulate his daughter or do something terrible.”

Now Jonah knew where Kinga got her initial distrust of people from. “Why is that everyone’s first assumption? I've already gotten death threats from two other Forresters.” 

“Yes, well, the Forrester family often has similar thoughts on the subject of dating.” Dr F mused. “Plus, I’m your boss. If you hurt Kinga, I wouldn't have to kill you. I could just ruin your life.”

Kinga looked as though she was about to jump out of her apartment window. “Would anyone like something to drink? Tea? Wine? Gasoline, maybe?”

“Kinga, dearie, you know I’m just messing with him. Besides, a person’s true colors really do shine through best after you've threatened to kill them or ruin their life.”

Kinga’s voice broke into a hoarse whisper that Jonah could still hear. “Dad. We talked about this. I specifically asked you not to do something weird like this. He’s already had to deal with grandma and her weirdness. I'm begging you, just be normal for once.” 

“This guy means a lot to you, doesn't he?”

“Yes. He does. And I would like it if you didn't kill him.” 

“For you, pumpkin, I won't kill him. But if he does anything to you at all…”

“Yes, yes, you'll ruin his life. You've beat the dead horse enough.”

Dr F turned to Jonah. “Like I said before. You’re a good salesman. And Kinga seems to like you a lot. Take care of my daughter, and you won't have anything to worry about.”

“I will, sir.” Jonah said. “I definitely will.”

\----------

The next week, Kinga started her new forensics job. Jonah continued his work at Gizmonic, much happier than he had been when he had started. Kinga didn't understand how he managed to enjoy the job, but he did actually like it. Something to do with talking to people and numbers, he suspected. 

Jonah eventually decided to move in with Kinga, because quite frankly his apartment was a mess. She introduced him to the bizarre world of Forrester family gatherings (complete with glitter cannons), and in turn he taught her how to build a robot. M. Waverly lived on their kitchen counter, commenting on pretty much everything they did. 

And Jonah was amazed at how much his life had changed in just a few months. In only a few months, he got a job, an amazing girlfriend, and a weird extended family. And for once, he had no regrets.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I'm not going to lie I took the title for this from parks and rec   
> Its a line from the Mouse Rat song Sex Hair  
> Even though there's no sex in the fic  
> I just thought it sort of worked


End file.
